Dear Father,
Good morning from a Saturday early morning. What a week it was, heh? My agenda is open, and before starting to write this letter, I thought to tackle a few items on my to-do list, but no way: no energy to focus on business, at least for a while.
This time, it's about a reflection on what I experienced last Thursday. I was waiting (not passively but actively by preparing) for two meetings that I scheduled with various stakeholders. One of the new normals of my life is working in my personal time to complete tasks, and I did the same during Ramadan Bairam. But thanks to you, you were there to support me, and you gave me the Bairam gift by preparing the main deck for one of the meetings after a call to help me understand how to guide my audience. Then I applied the same deck preparation method for the other meeting and requested a double-check from our consultant. Everything was ready, and the show started.
The first meeting started like a show just after presenting the table to the audience and letting them know the assessment. I was sharing my screen and even heard one of my colleagues saying, “we should celebrate this.” It was set for 45 minutes, but we closed the session in 30 minutes, and the team and I received many “thank you” and “well-done” messages. Then we closed the session, I turned my Do Not Disturb mode off, chatted with the team (only positive vibes), and replied to urgent emails until the second meeting started.
There was something unclear to me, but since I double-checked with the consultant, I didn’t want to challenge it until the meeting. And then the audience was ready in the meeting, recording started, and just after showing the table, two most important stakeholders (I call them “important” because they know the issue much better than all) immediately said: “this is wrong” when they saw the simplified table based on our consultant’s detailed assessment. Although I didn’t take it personally, I shared the backup sheet where they could read the inputs. Even this triggered other critics, and they were sure that the assessment missed an important perspective. I was listening to them, and what they said made total sense, but although I sensed it before the meeting, I didn’t challenge it by reaching out to the consultants or maybe cross-checking with my internal stakeholders. I showed respect to the titles and expertise, but still, I should have said, “did you consider this?” While listening to our important stakeholders' feedback, I was trying to take notes while thinking about what I could do just after the call. I couldn’t say any words, and due to my bad connection, my camera was closed, and even one of my colleagues asked, “Volkan, are you there?” I said “yes,” virtually I was in the meeting but thinking about the failure and deciding about my next steps. Before closing the second meeting, another point was highlighted: “what if there was a missing perspective in the subject of the first meeting?” This means revisiting the assessment for all other markets, for which I already sent daily meetings for the following weeks.
We ended the meeting, my wife and son were in the same living room with me, and I let them know that it was a terrible meeting. My wife asked me why I didn’t speak in the meeting. There was not much more to say after receiving the feedback from the key stakeholders when they saw the table, and I can’t be political in these kinds of discussions. I turned off my DND mode and saw that my teammates had already started the team call. I joined, and we talked about the failure. Then we invited one of our important stakeholders to the call to understand the history of the issue with the backup files. Before closing the call, he told us the last positive thing of the day: you are doing a great job by working on many markets with different regulations, and this kind of back-and-forth communication is inevitable.
After the shock, I found the cell phone number of one of our consultants and directly called via WhatsApp. I was trying to be agile, so even email was a slow communication method for me at that time. Anyway, I reached out to him, told him what happened in these two meetings, and what we demanded very urgently.
The business day was still continuing, and other operational activities were waiting for my review and approval. I tried to focus once again, but there was a terrible feeling, and I couldn’t see the exit. Among the unread mails, there was also an email about our weekly employee satisfaction survey, and I opened it and filled the free text area with how I felt. A few days or weeks later, I am sure my Finance Director will read it and reply with a question to detail why I feel that much worse and how the company can support me. I also don’t know the answer when I consider the constraints.
After office hours, I needed to drive from Izmir to Bursa. My car was parked away from the house, and while I was walking to get it, I passed by a park and saw families playing with their children. I thought that I am missing life. They were having fun, and I was having a headache. And life continues, but this 3.5-hour highway drive didn’t pass: I thought about the same things again and again: the meeting started and ended several times in my head during the drive.
I know it is not over yet, and one day in the future, I will think about these hard days as just ordinary memories. That’s another reason I wanted to write it down to remember. I am passing through hard days, and work is just in the center of my life. I even can’t spare time for walking or blogging because replying to another mail, decreasing the number of unread emails, and completing another approval flow makes me a little bit comfortable.
Anyway, life goes on, and I am managing the situation for the time being. In the long run, I hope these days will pass, and I will share success stories with only positive vibes.
Till then, take care…
All the best,
Volkan
PS. This letter is written to my “father,” and there is a metaphor here; he knows himself.