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personal development etiketine sahip kayıtlar gösteriliyor. Tüm kayıtları göster

7 Aralık 2025 Pazar

I Remembered I Wasn't Superman

Heading to bed before 10 PM on this Sunday evening, laptop on my lap, and experiencing the justifiable pride of having "No Unread Mails"... Is this a luxury? I’m not sure, but I can’t describe how much I’ve missed this feeling.

Of course, this is somewhat the "calm before the storm." It isn't exactly a profound prediction to guess that work won't magically ease up by tomorrow morning; a mountain of emails, messages, and calls will inevitably rain down on me. But still, I need to experience the momentary peace of having gotten things on track, at least as of tonight.

In the past, at the end of very difficult days, I would wear my exhaustion like a badge of honor and say, "I earned every penny I made today right down to the last cent." Now, the intensity has increased so much that those "hard days" have given way to hard weeks, and even never-ending months.


"Excuses, Excuses..."

Recently, I was messaging my mentor regarding some additional analyses he recommended I do (I’m keeping his name private so he doesn't feel uncomfortable if he reads this, though calling him "my mentor" does sound cool). Overwhelmed by my current workload, I wrote to him saying I could "only do it at night."

His reply was short and sharp: "Excuses, excuses."

When I started listing my tasks to defend myself, he hit me with a sentence that felt like a wake-up call: "The loads you carry are actually the ones you placed on yourself. You need to remember you aren't Superman."

While I was trying to process this shock, a critique from my wife that same evening sealed the deal. When she questioned—with a slightly reproachful tone—why I was working on even irrelevant topics and why I was the one running to fix everything, I was forced to stop and think.

Stopping to Think: The Forgotten Action

Yes, "stopping to think"... It turns out this is the action I’ve skipped most amidst this hustle.

Reflecting on it, I realized that in my desire to be appreciated and to show high ownership in these corporate management processes, I took on more and more. As I tried to maintain the same quality in all my other tasks, this returned to me as overtime shifts stretching into the middle of the night.

The result? I couldn't pay enough attention to my family, and I started noticing health issues—small but whispering, "I'm here." The price was becoming heavier than I thought.

There are only a few days left in the year. I am still motivated to push through and complete this journey with the momentum of the approaching new year. But I’ve put the lesson I learned this week in my pocket: I am not Superman, and I don’t have to be.

I hope that in the new year, I can continue on a more balanced path without forgetting the lessons taught by these intense days.

For now, it’s time to enjoy "Zero Unread Mail"



29 Ekim 2025 Çarşamba

A Parking Ticket, a Bad Investment, and the Simple Truth About Growth

A few personal thoughts on my struggle with work stress, learning to say "no," and trying to find a simpler path.

Finally, after weeks, I've got my laptop (yes, the personal one) open, ready to dive into those long-delayed emails (Ozan Varol and Mark Manson, thank you for waiting!) and pour out the feelings that have been with me for a while. Looking out the window, an ache in my neck and a stiff back tell the story of my stress better than words ever could.



I'm in one of those familiar cycles again: working relentlessly (till midnights - YouTube videos is my best friend in the background), taking on every responsibility, struggling to say "no" (or perhaps, unable to say it at all), and finding myself shouldering all the burdens. Performance review season, critical projects, crucial audits – my life's priorities constantly revolve around work.

It's almost comical; last weekend, I even got a parking ticket because I prioritized the company's expenses, parking on the street instead of a paid lot to avoid creating extra cost with the benefit car. The irony? I ended up paying the fine myself.

The Holiday Hustle: A Battle Within

Today (Happy Republic Day!) is a public holiday, and I'm at home, locked in a fierce internal battle over whether to check my work emails. Yesterday was a half-day, and I managed to shut down my computer around 3 PM. My family and I headed to Kadıköy for Okan's tech shopping, followed by a delightful coffee break and dinner. On the way home, extending our drive through Moda, Caddebostan, and Bağdat Caddesi, one part of me urged, "Relax, disconnect from work." Yet, the other whispered, "What if something important happened? Just a quick glance."

Of course, the second voice won. Just as I settled into the couch, ready to watch YouTube, a critical meeting invitation from the auditors, with a demanding agenda, popped up in my inbox. For the entire hour-long video, my eyes were on the screen, but my mind was racing through everything I needed to prepare for that audit meeting. What happened next? The video ended, and I went straight to my room, working until past midnight. It's almost noon now, and I've been resisting checking my emails for about 12 hours. I occasionally check MS Teams messages, but surely, that doesn't break my "digital detox," right?

From Performance Objectives to Life's Lessons

This morning, while catching up on personal emails, my thoughts naturally drifted to performance objectives, especially with our annual performance review period upon us. I recently finalized and shared my yearly evaluations with my manager, hoping all this effort translates into tangible growth and development. This train of thought also sparked an idea: perhaps I should write a blog post on annual performance reviews for LinkedIn. I'm weighing whether I'll find the energy and if it might attract any negative feedback.

I've also realized lately that I'm using this blog almost like a therapy session (especially when I write in Turkish). Recently, in a meeting with the Dubai team (which I joined, again, because I couldn't say "no" to supporting them), a senior executive honored me by praising my blog at the start of the meeting. It became a great ice-breaker, and when people asked what I wrote about, I said "personal development and finance."

However, I'm well aware that I haven't written much about finance lately. That meeting reminded me of a financial lesson I'd wanted to share. While I used to write lengthy posts with screenshots, now a few sentences will do:

Last Monday, I was making a foreign currency investment. Unlike usual, I decided to compare exchange rates across banks. Akbank was my go-to, but Enpara offered a much more advantageous rate. I checked Enpara's website for fees, noting that recipient bank fees could vary, then looked at Enpara's own transaction fees. There was still a significant advantage. I completed the FX purchase and sent it to Akbank. Poof! A fee was deducted that made my "clever" maneuver pointless. A lesson learned, with a price tag attached.

Simplicity: The Ultimate Investment Strategy for Life

This experience wasn't just a financial lesson; it was a profound reminder: life should be simple, straightforward. To tie it back to finance, there's no need to overcomplicate investments, jumping from one asset to another trying to optimize every single penny. We've seen how well gold, often underestimated by many, has performed recently. Simply accumulating gold can outperform many other investment vehicles.

Consistency, solid assets, and a clear objective. That's the entire philosophy, and keeping it simple is the key. No need to make it complicated.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go pursue my goal of reading a bit more... and perhaps finally achieving some genuine mental performance and growth outside of work.

19 Eylül 2025 Cuma

Brutal Truth, Simple Rules: What Toni Nadal Teaches Us About Growth, Development, and Feedback

Last week, I attended the Philip Morris International's Global Travel Retail Conference in Barcelona, where industry leaders and colleagues gathered to share insights on growth, leadership, and transformation. One of the highlights of the event was listening to Toni Nadal, renowned tennis coach and uncle of Rafael Nadal, deliver a keynote speech on the principles that shaped one of the greatest athletes of our time. Toni’s reflections on coaching, improvement, and feedback resonated deeply with me and inspired this blog.

Toni Nadal delivers his keynote at the PMI Global Travel Retail Conference in Barcelona with inspiring videos — on truth, character, and the daily work of improvement


There’s a moment in Toni Nadal’s story that lands like a forehand winner. Minutes before Rafael Nadal plays Roger Federer in Monte‑Carlo, Rafa asks his uncle and coach, “What do you think about today’s match?” Toni doesn’t reach for a motivational line. He tells the truth: Federer’s forehand is better, his backhand is better, his volleys are better. Then he adds the only thing that matters: now we can prepare the strategy to beat him, but we have to know the truth first.

That sentence could be the operating system for growth. In sport and in business, outcomes are noisy and full of variables you don’t control—market shifts, competitors, regulation, the occasional “Djokovic.” Improvement is the one goal you do own. Toni’s philosophy reduces the complex to the essential: tell the truth, choose the price, and train your character. Everything else is commentary.

From strategy to execution, sessions emphasized controllable inputs, candid feedback, and resilience under pressure—principles echoed throughout the keynote.


Make improvement the goal you own

Toni never set “be No. 1” as the real challenge. Rankings and trophies depend on forces outside your control. Improvement does not. In tennis, the fastest path to beating opponents is first to beat yesterday’s version of yourself. In business terms, convert outcome targets into controllable input commitments: quality and frequency of customer interactions, error‑free close percentage, on‑time filings, decision cycle time, scenario rigor. When inputs compound, outcomes follow. For every KPI, write the one behaviour you will do daily that makes it more likely. Track the behaviour, not just the number.


Feedback that builds: truth over comfort


Relentless positivity often feeds self‑deception, not confidence. Growth demands a clear view of weaknesses and the courage to name them. With Rafa, Toni always said the hard thing because clarity is kindness when performance matters. Practical moves: institute a weekly 15‑minute “truth ritual” where each person names one behaviour that helped and one that hurt outcomes, followed immediately by next actions. Pair high standards with high regard. Toughness without care breeds fear; care without standards breeds mediocrity.

Choose the price—and pay it


When a young top‑30 pro asked how to become No. 1, Toni replied: tell me the price you’re willing to pay. Talent sets your starting line; price paid determines your trajectory.

For teams, make the price explicit in projects. Agree in advance what you will trade—comfort, meetings, scope—for what you will gain—speed, quality, customer trust. Put it in writing and revisit weekly.

Strategy requires unblinking realism


The Monte‑Carlo story isn’t negativity; it’s situational awareness. Strategy built on flattery fails at contact. Acknowledge relative strengths honestly, then design a plan that exploits reality. And when the opponent upgrades their backhand, update the plan or lose 6–3, 6–0.

Two tools help: run a premortem (“It’s 12 months later and our initiative failed—what happened?”) and track relative advantages, not just absolute performance.

Win today, plan for tomorrow


After Rafa’s first Roland‑Garros title at 19, Toni wrote a list of everything Rafa didn’t do well. One victory guarantees nothing. Probabilistic humility keeps you hungry.

Use a simple cold list within 24 hours of any big win: three things that worked despite us, and three we must fix before variance bites back. Celebrate and sharpen.

Don’t complicate the essentials


We love data and specialists, but when everything matters, the essentials get crowded out. Toni’s three data points for Rafa were almost childlike: hit the ball as hard as possible; put it where the opponent isn’t; above all, keep it in. The fourth rule tied it together: hit every ball as well as possible every day, not only in finals.

Your version: define three non‑negotiables for your team (for example, close the books clean, challenge assumptions early, communicate decisions the same day). Measure them simply and publicly. Everything else is support, not the show.

Character is trained in the storm


Toni deliberately created friction—bad balls, bad courts, missing water—so Rafa learned to perform under discomfort. Attitude decides matches more often than technique.

Design good friction at work. Run constraint drills with tighter budgets, fewer slides, or smaller teams. Run noise drills by presenting under time pressure or with incomplete information. Practice recovery drills: after a setback, use a two‑minute reset—name the miss, state the next best action, execute. Build resilience with bounded stress; purposeful pressure grows people, chronic unbounded stress breaks them.

Keep brains alert: success ages quickly


When Rafa won Spain’s U‑12, Toni pulled the list of the last 25 champions. Only a handful became stars. The point wasn’t pessimism; it was context. A win today is a maybe tomorrow unless you keep improving. Treat success as information, not identity. Ask: what would have to be true to earn this result again against a better opponent and a tougher market?

Simple rules, big outcomes: keep the ball in, place it where the opponent isn’t, and hit every shot as well as possible—every day

A simple framework you can implement Monday: IMPROVE

I — Identify the controllable. Translate outcomes into daily inputs.
M — Map the truth. One strength and one weakness per person or process.
P — Price the climb. Write what you will trade for progress.
R — Run the plan. Execute against reality, not wishful thinking.
O — Operate with essentials. Three non‑negotiables; everything else supports.
V — Versus yesterday. Benchmark against your last best, weekly.
E — Endure by design. Add safe constraints that build resilience.


How this scales to Finance and Global Travel Retail

Treasury discipline: treat liquidity and FX exposure like “keep the ball in.” Reliability scores more than flash.

Tax and compliance: improvement equals fewer surprises, faster clarifications, tighter documentation. Celebrate zero‑drama closings.

Commercial rhythm: replace vanity metrics with movement metrics such as time to decision, time to customer answer, and time to corrective action.

Culture: adopt the visible pairing of high standards and high regard. Make it explicit that tough feedback is given for the person, not at the person.


Closing Remarks

Toni Nadal’s philosophy is a timely reminder that growth is not about chasing perfection, but about embracing the honest, sometimes uncomfortable, process of improvement. Whether on the tennis court or in the boardroom, the fundamentals remain the same: tell the truth, focus on what you can control, and build resilience through adversity.

As leaders and teams, our challenge is to create environments where feedback is valued, standards are high, and every success is treated as a stepping stone rather than a finish line. By simplifying the complex and prioritising character over comfort, we set ourselves—and those we lead—on a path to sustainable excellence.

Let’s take these lessons forward, not just as inspiration, but as a practical framework for how we work, lead, and grow together. What is your version of hitting the ball as well as possible, every day?


Bonus: If you want to dig into the other key take-aways from the PMI GTR's Global Conference in Barcelona, you should read thisVolkan Yorulmaz: Unlearning, Multiplying, and Growing: Leadership Lessons from PMI’s Global Travel Retail Conference

10 Ağustos 2025 Pazar

Recharged with Inspiration: Lessons from a Short Break

Today marks the 27th anniversary of my father's passing—a moment that always brings reflection. It also coincides with the end of my 2025 summer break. While I’m not someone who fully disconnects during holidays, I deeply respect those who do. Protecting one’s well-being and making time for loved ones is something I admire and support.

This summer was particularly challenging due to health issues within the family. Yet, I’m grateful to have carved out five days in my favourite coastal retreat—Teos, Seferihisar. Here, I return to routines that ground me: early morning walks, sunbathing, swimming, and most importantly, reflection.

Morning Walks & Mindful Listening

One of my routines is walking before breakfast while listening to podcasts. On the first working day of my vacation, I tuned into Bumuyani – Episode 203: Zehirli Dayanıklılık (“Toxic Resilience”). For those unfamiliar, toxic resilience refers to the tendency to overextend oneself in the name of dedication and loyalty—often at the cost of personal boundaries.

Listening to this episode made me realise how often I stay “always connected,” expecting the same level of responsiveness from colleagues. But through reflection and a meaningful conversation with a close friend, I’ve come to appreciate the importance of empathy—especially towards those who protect their time and energy with intention. Going forward, I aim to honour these boundaries more consciously and understand the drivers of those colleagues.

Summer Reading: Trust & Inspire


My summer read was Trust & Inspire by Stephen M. R. Covey. I’ve read over 200 pages so far, and it’s been transformative. Trust was a key theme I wanted to develop this year, especially as part of the PMI DNA. (Our PMI DNA—We Care, We are Better Together, We are Game Changers—defines how we work, lead, and engage with each other every day. For more: Culture & Diversity at PMI | PMI - Philip Morris International) One quote stood out:

“The very first job of a leader is to inspire trust. The second job is to extend it.”

Not trusting is a lonely, stressful, and joyless way to live. This book reminded me that leadership is not just about control—it’s about connection. I’ll continue dedicating time to reading and writing, and I welcome any book recommendations that support personal growth.

The Gift of Family Time

Of course, no summer is complete without family. During the hustle of back-to-back meetings and endless emails, it’s hard to find quality time. But on vacation, I can be fully present—and that’s the true gift. I’ll close with a family photo from the summer of 2025, a reminder of what truly matters.




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2 Şubat 2025 Pazar

My Growth Resolution 2025: Strategic Prioritization and Time Management


In the last week of January 2025, my family and I visited a relative in the evening. This was a planned visit, and due to my busy agenda, I couldn't postpone it. It had been a long while since I last saw this relative. Throughout the day, I had operational responsibilities and meetings, leaving me with unanswered emails. I had to take my laptop with me to the evening visit. After the initial conversations, I informed my family about the duties I needed to complete and started reading and replying to my emails while my wife and son enjoyed the visit. By the end of the night, I had read all my unread emails and cleared my to-dos. However, on our way back home, my son said, "Father, you are working so hard nowadays and now you even started to work when we are out." This comment hit me like a wall.

On the evening of January 31st, I read the PMI Global Business Solutions newsletter and the New Year's growth resolutions of our leaders. Inspired by my son's feedback, I decided to define my New Year's resolution for 2025. My focus this year will be on strategic prioritization and time management. Regularly, I will ask myself two questions: 1) What am I doing well? 2) What can I do better? These questions will guide a positive and constructive review of how I am managing my development area in 2025.

CoPilot will be my key enabler in this development journey, providing assistance and insights. Sharing my personal evaluation with CoPilot will help me become a better version of myself. Let's rock 2025!

11 Eylül 2021 Cumartesi

Experiences From My Mentoring Journey

In the early days of 2021, I expressed my interest in the Mentorship Program which was announced by Philip Morris International’s Life Sciences Employee Action Groups (EAG). The program kicked off in April 2021, just after the matching between mentees and mentors are completed. I was one of the 223 mentee applicants and I matched with a colleague who has more than 20 years of work experience.

Getting Prepared to the Journey

Firstly, mentoring team (iGrow³) invited us to the first mentoring event: How to rock the mentor role: Mentees and Mentors perspectives. In this event Norma Drew, our VP Global Marketing, Michael Kunst, senior VP Commercial Transformation, Ana Borges, Sr Scientist AQP, and Michel Blanc, Lead Analytical, shared pieces of advice, and experiences for a successful Mentee-Mentor journey. One of my key learnings from this event was that development involves finding a passion as much as learning for career advancement, and this brings the necessity of investing in yourself and owning your growth.

Moreover, a special MS Teams group is created where we reach great content to make our mentoring program more beneficial. What I find most beneficial from these contents was a resource from the PMI IT mentoring program on Fuse (PMI’s e-learning portal) and it clearly states that in order to build an effective mentoring relationship, you must establish what you and your mentor would like to get out of the relationship, build trust with your mentee, define an Action Plan, and then meet consistently. I applied this recommendation within my Mentee Journey to unlock my potential and receive maximum benefit through this program.

In my opinion, this guidance is crucial for effective mentorship so that participants get the most out of the experience.

Let’s Get Down to Business: Journey Kicks-Off

Starting from May 2021, I organized monthly meetings with my mentor (based on the availability of our calendars). As it was recommended, spending time at the beginning of the relationship for clarifying what each party can legitimately expect to give and get through mentoring is essential. Therefore, we first discussed and agreed upon our expectations.

Then our first meeting continued with sharing my career goals, successes, and failures, and receiving initial feedback and advice. When we finalize our first meeting, we agreed that I am responsible for my development journey with several initiatives, and mentoring is one of them and best result of this learning experience can be obtained from our meetings, my mentor’s advice, and my actions accordingly.

Since all mentoring conversations are kept confidential as a fundamental component of ethical behaviour, I cannot provide details about the content of the meeting and action plans, but I can say that this mentoring program functioned properly as we set the expectation from the very beginning and applied the rules recommended for a successful journey.

My Key Take Aways from the Mentoring Journey

So far, we have completed 3 meetings and nowadays I am working on my to-do’s before our fourth meeting. Let me share with you my key take-aways from our Mentorship Program:

A clear sense of purpose in the mentorship program between mentor and mentee opens the way for momentum to solidify the relationship. Without setting the purpose, mentorship can become a nice friendship that you share and talk routinely but will not help you reach your objectives. Figuring out what you want is probably the hardest part of career discovery so firstly focus on setting your targets and then work on them.

Every mentoring meeting is the forum to share progress towards your objectives. As a mentee, you should set and check-in on targets within each meeting and ask your mentors feedback on your achievements. Also embrace your mistakes and where you got stuck openly so that you can learn more about what to do next to unlock collaboration and track progress.


Your buy-in before launching your mentoring program is essential. Buy-in from the senior leadership team is also important because they are the ones cascading it down and holding other senior leaders to account, but the real differentiator approach comes from you as a mentee or mentor, and you need to hold yourself responsible for this program in order to benefit as much as possible.

Mentorship brings touchpoints and connections with people while working remotely and it brings an opportunity to talk deeply about how you are doing and feel part of the big organization especially in the time of pandemic which we lack human connection. Mentoring solves this disconnect issue. The connection and meaning mentoring can bring through rapport and clarity of purpose is critical to supporting people through turmoil, and it can strengthen relationships across one’s organization.

Final Words

Taking place in a mentoring journey is getting out of your comfort zone to grow both personally and professionally. We all have goals and aspirations, and no matter the level the mentee has reached, we often find ourselves needing some external words of wisdom to help us navigate our way through. A supportive mentor can make all the difference to a mentee in our challenging environment.


Great mentors can elicit energy and commitment from the mentees by asking the right questions and listening with empathy. Gently challenging perceptions by providing a different perspective helps mentees grow. On the other hand, a mentee should be driven and clear about what he/she wants to achieve, setting deliberate goals with the help of his/her mentor at the very beginning.

Working on specific development area, discussing the next actions with my mentor, then evaluating the concrete steps within our meeting and finding out new action points make me learn and earn within this program. Mentoring journey is to turn yourself into the best version of yourself, so enjoy the journey responsibly. 

27 Haziran 2018 Çarşamba

Quotes from "Do It Today"

Here are some quotes from one of my favorite bloggers who generally writes on productivity: Darius Foroux. He has recently published a book called "Do It Today". The book is very motivating in terms of reminding some small steps which can be taken easily and bring great results by time. Of course, some of these quotes belong to important thinkers but it is nice to find them in one book together within a harmony:


One of my personal rules is this: Never complain. Another one is: Read and exercise every day. And: Close the day every evening by setting your next day’s priorities.

At the end of each day, you should play back the tapes of your performance. The results should either applaud you or prod you.

"Always connected,” isn’t a good thing for your focus and productivity.  It’s the same as going to the gym. Or having dinner. Or having a romantic evening with your partner. You don’t do those things for 24 hours a day.

Procrastination can be a sign that you’re doing something that’s not meaningful. Don’t let procrastination become a habit. After all, the worst procrastination is putting off your dreams and goals. If you’re waiting for the right time, Benjamin Franklin says: “You may delay, but time will not.” If you don’t listen to me, listen to him.

People who make phones and apps are smarter than us. Their only goal is to get you hooked. I think it’s good to realize that. That’s why I often try to remind myself not to depend on smartphones too much because my attention matters more than productivity. It’s time to reclaim your attention. And thereby, reclaim your life. It’s worth it.

“Fools learn from experience. I prefer to learn from the experience of others.”

The further I advance in age, the more I find work necessary. It becomes in the long run the greatest of pleasures, and takes the place of the illusions of life.”

Rest reduces stress. Improves creativity and productivity.

"So, to prevent fatigue and worry, the first rule is: Rest often. Rest before you get tired.”

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.”

"A man who chases two rabbits catches neither.”

We say: “OMG! I don’t know what I want!” And then we have a full-on panic attack. Be honest — it happens to all of us. Especially, when you see that your old college friend just got married. Or that your co-worker, who started at the same time as you, just got promoted. It’s at those moments of weakness when we shine a spotlight on our own uncertainty about life. One of the biggest thinking errors that I’ve made was that I thought I needed to know what I exactly wanted to do with my life. The truth is that no one knows what they truly want.

So it’s not important to know exactly what you want to do with your life. People change. Economies change. So, it’s not even realistic to boldly claim “I know what I want!” The only thing every person needs is a sense of direction. A vision of where you’d like to go. Look, you don’t need to know your exact destination. You often read about people who say they always knew what they wanted. But that’s just a small portion of the population. I’ve personally never met someone like that. Most of us don’t have that conviction from day one. It grows over time.

Your first priority is to identify what you want and then make sure you take the path that’s going to give you that. There’s nothing sadder than to see someone get to be seventy-five or eighty years old and look back regrettably because they pursued the wrong target.

Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.

Stay close to yourself—there’s no point in pushing yourself so badly that your life becomes miserable. In the end, we all need comfort: It’s one of our basic needs as human beings. But we also need growth. So whatever you do, don’t stay in your comfort zone for too long. Try to keep moving forward every day: Even if it’s just a tiny step. No magic.

Belief will help create the fact.

You don’t get to the highest levels of the sport without having the basics in order.

It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.” When you repeat the basics, you don’t only become great; you will stay great. It’s a challenge that all high performers face. I repeat the basics of many things in my life: Fitness, philosophy, kindness, business, writing.

In order to really find happiness, you need to continue looking for opportunities that you believe are meaningful, in which you will be able to learn new things, to succeed, and be given more and more responsibility to shoulder.

Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now take what’s left and live properly.

Where I’d had huge success, I had narrowed my concentration to one thing, and where my success varied, my focus had too.” Are you working on a lot of things? Is your attention not on one thing? There’s a big chance that you will not achieve the best possible results. Or worse: You might fail if you try to achieve many things at the same time The reason is simple: Most of us believe that success happens all at once. Real life is different. Keller and Papasan put it well: “Success is sequential, not simultaneous.”




13 Ocak 2018 Cumartesi

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Mark Manson, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people.

For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says.

At its core,
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is a book about finding what’s truly important to you and letting go of everything else. In the same way that he encourages limiting exposure to mindless distractions such as social media, television and technology, he encourages limiting concern over things that have little to no meaning or value in your life.

In an interview, Mark says, “If seeing things online or hearing things your co-workers say is really affecting you that much then you need to look at the values in your life. If your emotions are constantly being pushed this way or that way, and you feel like you’re never in control, it’s probably because you’re valuing a lot of the wrong things.”

More than a practical guidebook to choosing what’s important in our lives and what’s unimportant, it’s a brutally honest and much needed reality check about our personal problems, fears and expectations. It’s a bold confrontation of self, our painful truths, faults and uncertainties, without all the positive airy fairy fluff we’ve been spoon-fed to believe by self-help gurus.

Here are the notes I took from the book "
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life" by Mark Manson:



Our culture today is obsessively focused on unrealistically positive expectations: Be happier. Be healthier. Be the best, better than the rest. Be smarter, faster, richer, sexier, more popular, more productive, more envied, and more admired. Be perfect and amazing and crap out twelve-karat-gold nuggets before breakfast each morning while kissing your selfie-ready spouse and two and a half kids goodbye. Then fly your helicopter to your wonderfully fulfilling job, where you spend your days doing incredibly meaningful work that’s likely to save the planet one day.

There’s a saying in Texas: “The smallest dog barks the loudest.” A confident man doesn’t feel a need to prove that he’s confident. A rich woman doesn’t feel a need to convince anybody that she’s rich. Either you are or you are not. And if you’re dreaming of something all the time, then you’re reinforcing the same unconscious reality over and over: that you are not that.

Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience. Any attempt to escape the negative, to avoid it or quash it or silence it, only backfires. The avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering. The avoidance of struggle is a struggle. The denial of failure is a failure. Hiding what is shameful is itself a form of shame.

We suffer for the simple reason that suffering is biologically useful. It is nature’s preferred agent for inspiring change. We have evolved to always live with a certain degree of dissatisfaction and insecurity, because it’s the mildly dissatisfied and insecure creature that’s going to do the most work to innovate and survive. We are wired to become dissatisfied with whatever we have and satisfied by only what we do not have. This constant dissatisfaction has kept our species fighting and striving, building and conquering. So no—our own pain and misery aren’t a bug of human evolution; they’re a feature.

Happiness is a constant work-in-progress, because solving problems is a constant work-in-progress—the solutions to today’s problems will lay the foundation for tomorrow’s problems, and so on. True happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving.

This is the most simple and basic component of life: our struggles determine our successes. Our problems birth our happiness, along with slightly better, slightly upgraded problems.

People who become great at something become great because they understand that they’re not already great—they are mediocre, they are average—and that they could be so much better.

If suffering is inevitable, if our problems in life are unavoidable, then the question we should be asking is not “How do I stop suffering?” but “Why am I suffering—for what purpose?”

Dave Mustaine, whether he realized it or not, chose to measure himself by whether he was more successful and popular than Metallica. The experience of getting thrown out of his former band was so painful for him that he adopted “success relative to Metallica” as the metric by which to measure himself and his music career. Despite taking a horrible event in his life and making something positive out of it, as Mustaine did with Megadeth, his choice to hold on to Metallica’s success as his life-defining metric continued to hurt him decades later. Despite all the money and the fans and the accolades, he still considered himself a failure.

If you want to change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value and/or how you measure failure/success.

When we have poor values—that is, poor standards we set for ourselves and others—we are essentially giving fucks about the things that don’t matter, things that in fact make our life worse. But when we choose better values, we are able to divert our fucks to something better—toward things that matter, things that improve the state of our well-being and that generate happiness, pleasure, and success as side effects. This, in a nutshell, is what “self-improvement” is really about: prioritizing better values, choosing better things to give a fuck about. Because when you give better fucks, you get better problems. And when you get better problems, you get a better life.

Imagine that somebody puts a gun to your head and tells you that you have to run 26.2 miles in under five hours, or else he’ll kill you and your entire family. That would suck. Now imagine that you bought nice shoes and running gear, trained religiously for months, and completed your first marathon with all of your closest family and friends cheering you on at the finish line. That could potentially be one of the proudest moments of your life. Exact same 26.2 miles. Exact same person running them. Exact same pain coursing through your exact same legs. But when you chose it freely and prepared for it, it was a glorious and important milestone in your life. When it was forced upon you against your will, it was one of the most terrifying and painful experiences of your life. Often the only difference between a problem being painful or being powerful is a sense that we chose it, and that we are responsible for it.

We don’t always control what happens to us. But we always control how we interpret what happens to us, as well as how we respond.

The point is, we are always choosing, whether we recognize it or not. Always. It comes back to how, in reality, there is no such thing as not giving a single fuck. It’s impossible. We must all give a fuck about something. To not give a fuck about anything is still to give a fuck about something. The real question is, What are we choosing to give a fuck about? What values are we choosing to base our actions on? What metrics are we choosing to use to measure our life? And are those good choices—good values and good metrics?

We are responsible for experiences that aren’t our fault all the time. This is part of life. Here’s one way to think about the distinction between the two concepts. Fault is past tense. Responsibility is present tense. Fault results from choices that have already been made. Responsibility results from the choices you’re currently making, every second of every day. You are choosing to read this. You are choosing to think about the concepts. You are choosing to accept or reject the concepts. It may be my fault that you think my ideas are lame, but you are responsible for coming to your own conclusions. It’s not your fault that I chose to write this sentence, but you are still responsible for choosing to read it (or not).

It’s worth remembering that for any change to happen in your life, you must be wrong about something. If you’re sitting there, miserable day after day, then that means you’re already wrong about something major in your life, and until you’re able to question yourself to find it, nothing will change.

Improvement at anything is based on thousands of tiny failures, and the magnitude of your success is based on how many times you’ve failed at something. If someone is better than you at something, then it’s likely because she has failed at it more than you have. If someone is worse than you, it’s likely because he hasn’t been through all of the painful learning experiences you have.

Fear and anxiety and sadness are not necessarily always undesirable or unhelpful states of mind; rather, they are often representative of the necessary pain of psychological growth. And to deny that pain is to deny our own potential. Just as one must suffer physical pain to build stronger bone and muscle, one must suffer emotional pain to develop greater emotional resilience, a stronger sense of self, increased compassion, and a generally happier life.

Life is about not knowing and then doing something anyway. All of life is like this. It never changes. Even when you’re happy. Even when you’re farting fairy dust. Even when you win the lottery and buy a small fleet of Jet Skis, you still won’t know what the hell you’re doing. Don’t ever forget that. And don’t ever be afraid of that.

When I was in high school, my math teacher Mr. Packwood used to say, “If you’re stuck on a problem, don’t sit there and think about it; just start working on it. Even if you don’t know what you’re doing, the simple act of working on it will eventually cause the right ideas to show up in your head.” During that early self-employment period, when I struggled every day, completely clueless about what to do and terrified of the results (or lack thereof), Mr. Packwood’s advice started beckoning me from the recesses of my mind. I heard it like a mantra: Don’t just sit there. Do something. The answers will follow. In the course of applying Mr. Packwood’s advice, I learned a powerful lesson about motivation. It took about eight years for this lesson to sink in, but what I discovered, over those long, grueling months of bombed product launches, laughable advice columns, uncomfortable nights on friends’ couches, overdrawn bank accounts, and hundreds of thousands of words written (most of them unread), was perhaps the most important thing I’ve ever learned in my life: Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it. Most of us commit to action only if we feel a certain level of motivation. And we feel motivation only when we feel enough emotional inspiration. We assume that these steps occur in a sort of chain reaction, like this: Emotional inspiration → Motivation → Desirable action If you want to accomplish something but don’t feel motivated or inspired, then you assume you’re just screwed. There’s nothing you can do about it. It’s not until a major emotional life event occurs that you can generate enough motivation to actually get off the couch and do something. The thing about motivation is that it’s not only a three-part chain, but an endless loop: Inspiration → Motivation → Action → Inspiration → Motivation → Action → Etc. Your actions create further emotional reactions and inspirations and move on to motivate your future actions. Taking advantage of this knowledge, we can actually reorient our mindset in the following way: Action → Inspiration → Motivation If you lack the motivation to make an important change in your life, do something—anything, really—and then harness the reaction to that action as a way to begin motivating yourself. I call this the “do something” principle. If we follow the “do something” principle, failure feels unimportant. When the standard of success becomes merely acting—when any result is regarded as progress and important, when inspiration is seen as a reward rather than a prerequisite—we propel ourselves ahead. We feel free to fail, and that failure moves us forward.

Promise yourself that you will assume that you are the root of your problems next time you get upset. Just try on the idea and see how it feels.

The point is this: we all must give a fuck about something, in order to value something. And to value something, we must reject what is not that something. To value X, we must reject non-X. That rejection is an inherent and necessary part of maintaining our values, and therefore our identity. We are defined by what we choose to reject. And if we reject nothing (perhaps in fear of being rejected by something ourselves), we essentially have no identity at all.

Honesty is a natural human craving. But part of having honesty in our lives is becoming comfortable with saying and hearing the word “no.” In this way, rejection actually makes our relationships better and our emotional lives healthier.

Conflict is not only normal, then; it’s absolutely necessary for the maintenance of a healthy relationship. If two people who are close are not able to hash out their differences openly and vocally, then the relationship is based on manipulation and misrepresentation, and it will slowly become toxic. Trust is the most important ingredient in any relationship.

Trust is like a china plate. If you break it once, with some care and attention you can put it back together again. But if you break it again, it splits into even more pieces and it takes far longer to piece together again. If you break it more and more times, eventually it shatters to the point where it’s impossible to restore. There are too many broken pieces, and too much dust.

The big story for me personally over the past few years has been my ability to open myself up to commitment. I’ve chosen to reject all but the very best people and experiences and values in my life. I shut down all my business projects and decided to focus on writing full-time. Since then, my website has become more popular than I’d ever imagined possible. I’ve committed to one woman for the long haul and, to my surprise, have found this more rewarding than any of the flings, trysts, and one-night stands I had in the past. I’ve committed to a single geographic location and doubled down on the handful of my significant, genuine, healthy friendships. And what I’ve discovered is something entirely counterintuitive: that there is a freedom and liberation in commitment. I’ve found increased opportunity and upside in rejecting alternatives and distractions in favor of what I’ve chosen to let truly matter to me.

10 Ekim 2016 Pazartesi

Learning Leadership

Here is my key take-aways from James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Posner’s book: Learning Leadership.

“Leadership is not a gene. It is not a trait. There is just no hard evidence to suggest that leadership is imprinted in the DNA of some people and not others.”

 “To get better at leading, you have to get gritty. You have to persist in the face of difficulties, thinking more like a marathoner than a sprinter.”

People achieve leadership greatness by wanting it badly enough and by digging into “deliberate practice,” constant learning and sheer determination. The misguided notion thatyou don’t have the “talent” or personality to lead gets in the way of actually becoming a better leader.

“Courage gives you the energy to move forward. Courage gives you the confidence to believe you can make it. Courage gives you the strength to sustain yourself in the darkest hours.”

“The Five Fundamentals of Exemplary Leadership”

“Believe You Can”
"Aspire to Excel”
“Challenge Yourself”
“Engage Support”
“Practice Deliberately”


Commit to constant learning and make learning a “way of life.” Before anything and everything else, develop learning skills. Learning means leaving your comfort zone, so take on challenging, “stretch assignments.” Forget about playing to your strengths: Work on your weaknesses, too.

At first, imitate great leaders whom you admire; practice their ways and learn from them. When you start to feel uncomfortable mimicking others, move to the next stage, experimenting with different managerial styles that align with your leadership beliefs and values.

Gradually, you’ll develop an “authentic” leadership style of your own. It will retain the best elements of others’ methods, but it will come from your unique individuality – your background, experiences, values and beliefs.

Define your values and principled beliefs so you can communicate them clearly. People trust and will follow leaders whose beliefs they understand. The strongest and most enduring principles and motivations have nothing to do with money and prestige. They come from your “intrinsic” desire to change things for the better and to help others.

“Success comes by taking regular small steps forward, and disappointment is more likely to occur when you attempt giant leaps.”

Process and consider what goes on around you. Listen to everyone, but don’t heed just what people talk about; be aware of what they’re silent about. Notice what isn’t said.

You cannot excel by staying the same. Seek new and uncomfortable challenges. Taking on a challenge helps you achieve “flow,” a state in which you perform at your peak and find the greatest satisfaction. Don’t avoid risk or live tentatively. Be willing to commit errors, fail and learn. When you fail at first, stick with your goal. “Grit” always beats “talent.” Know your priorities and go after them. Think long term.

Practice and improve every day. Only you can make and sustain positive change in your life.

Create time for practice by making your work itself into leadership practice.

Don’t fall for the popular notion that you should focus only on your strengths. As a leader, you can’t delegate your weaknesses, so work on them as well.
 
Exemplary leadership doesn’t come from your genetic makeup or any aspect of your background. It only comes from hard work, constant learning and commitment. Act, practice and learn. Take small, meaningful steps. Make progress every day toward your goal of becoming an exemplary leader.

23 Eylül 2016 Cuma

Smartcuts: How Hackers, Innovators, and Icons Accelerate Success

Entrepreneur and journalist Shane Snow (Wired, Fast Company, The New Yorker, and cofounder of Contently) analyzes the lives of people and companies that do incredible things in implausibly short time.

Serial entrepreneur and journalist Shane Snow delves into the reasons why some people and some organizations are able to achieve incredible things in implausibly short time frames, showing how each of us can use these "smartcuts" to rethink convention and accelerate success.

Throughout history, the world's biggest successes have been achieved by those who refuse to follow the expected course and buck the norm.
Smartcuts is about bucking the norm.
Smartcuts tells the stories of innovators who dared to work differently and lays out practical takeaways for the rest of us. It's about applying entrepreneurial and technological concepts to success, and how, by emulation, we too can leapfrog competitors, grow businesses, and fix society's problems faster than we think.

Let's look at the highlights I have taken from the book:


​“We work hard, but hardly question whether we’re working smart.
Pick your era in history and you’ll find a handful of people—across industries and continents—who buck the norm and do incredible things in implausibly short amounts of time. The common pattern is that, like computer hackers, certain innovators break convention to find better routes to stunning accomplishments.”

“Pretend you are driving a car in the middle of a thunderstorm and you happen upon three people on the side of the road. One of them is a frail old woman, who looks on the verge of collapse. Another is a friend who once saved your life. The other is the romantic interest of your dreams, and this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to meet him or her. You have only one other seat in the car.
Who do you pick up?
There’s a good reason to choose any of the three. The old woman needs help. The friend deserves your payback. And clearly, a happy future with the man or woman of your dreams will have an enormous long-term impact on your life.
So, who should you pick?
The old woman, of course. Then, give the car keys to your friend, and stay behind with the romantic interest to wait for the bus!
This dilemma is an exercise in lateral thinking. It’s the kind of puzzle in which the most elegant solution is revealed only when you attack it sideways. New ideas emerge when you question the assumptions upon which a problem is based[…]”

“True success is not defined by how much money do I make, how well do I speak, how well do I deal with the subjects I deal with, But how great of a father I am.”

“Check out shanesnow.com/booklist for my recommendations”

“Want to digitize libraries of old books without typing them up yourself? Get millions of people on the Internet to do it for you. (Ever filled out those crazy letters—called CAPTCHAs—when you signed up for something online? That’s what you’re doing.)”

“Bigger or Better illustrates an interesting fact: people are generally willing to take a chance on something if it only feels like a small stretch. That’s how a group of bored students transformed a toothpick into a TV, and remarkably quicker than if they’d worked their seven-dollar-per-hour college-town jobs and saved up for one. With each trade, the players exchanged or provided value—including entertainment value.”

“To be successful, we need to start thinking more like hackers, acting more like entrepreneurs. We have to work smarter, not just harder.”

“The answer begins with a story from Homer’s Odyssey.
When the Greek adventurer Odysseus embarked for war with Troy, he entrusted his son, Telemachus, to the care of a wise old friend named Mentor. Mentor raised and coached Telemachus in his father’s absence.
But it was really the goddess Athena disguised as Mentor who counseled the young man through various important situations. Through Athena’s training and wisdom, Telemachus soon became a great hero.
“Mentor” helped Telemachus shorten his ladder of success.”

“Mentorship is the secret of many of the highest-profile achievers throughout history. Socrates mentored young Plato, who in turn mentored Aristotle. Aristotle mentored a boy named Alexander, who went on to conquer the known world as Alexander the Great.”

“The mentor story is so common because it seems to work—especially when the mentor is not just a teacher, but someone who’s traveled the road herself. “A master can help you accelerate things,” explains Jack Canfield, author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series and career coach behind the bestseller The Success Principles. He says that, like C.K., we can spend thousands of hours practicing until we master a skill, or we can convince a world-class practitioner to guide our practice and cut the time to mastery significantly.”

“Data indicates that those who train with successful people who’ve “been there” tend to achieve success faster. The winning formula, it seems, is to seek out the world’s best and convince them to coach us.”

Searching for a mentor has become the professional equivalent of waiting for Prince Charming.

“There’s a big difference, in other words, between having a mentor guide our practice and having a mentor guide our journey.”

“A smartcut-savvy mentee approaches things a bit differently. She develops personal relationships with her mentors, asks their advice on other aspects of life, not just the formal challenge at hand. And she cares about her mentors’ lives too”

“The troubling thing about all these mentorship stories so far is they seem to depend heavily on luck.”

Hip-hop icon Jay-Z gives us a clue in one of his lyrics, “We were kids without fathers . . . so we found our fathers on wax and on the streets and in history. We got to pick and choose the ancestors who would inspire the world we were going to make for ourselves.

“In ancient Greece, few people had access to the best mentors. Jay-Z didn’t either, but he had books from which he could get an inkling about what those kinds of mentors were like. With every increase in communication, with every autobiography published, and every YouTube video of a superstar created, we increase our access to the great models in every category. This allows us to at least study the moves that make masters great—which is a start.
Some people are naturally good at making this work. Sam Walton, founder of Walmart, studied and stole moves from master retailers fabulously well. He openly admitted it. “Most everything I’ve done, I’ve copied from someone else,” he said.”

“Mentorship doesn’t always yield success. But when we look at superlative success stories throughout history, the presence of an in-person mentor or a world-class, long-distance mentor with whom the mentee has a deep, vulnerable relationship is almost always manifest.”

“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.”

“The research showed that experts—people who were masters at a trade—vastly preferred negative feedback to positive. It spurred the most improvement. That was because criticism is generally more actionable than compliments. “You did well” is less helpful in improving your bowling game than 
“You turned your wrist too much.”

“Get the thinking right and the skills come largely for free.”

“Luck is often talked about as “being in the right place at the right time.” But like a surfer, some people—and companies—are adept at placing themselves at the right place at the right time. They seek out opportunity rather than wait for it.”

“Pioneers often miss the best opportunities, which are obscured by technological and market uncertainties. In effect, early entrants may acquire the ‘wrong’ resources, which prove to be of limited value as the market evolves.”

“No matter the medium or method, giving is the timeless smartcut for harnessing superconnectors and creating serendipity.”

“There are dotcom entrepreneurs who could live top 1 percent American lifestyles and not run out of cash for 4,000 years. People who Bill Simmons would call “pajama rich,” so rich they can go to a five-star restaurant or sit courtside at the NBA playoffs in their pajamas. They have so much money that they have nothing to prove to anyone.
And many of them are totally depressed.”

“When there’s no forward momentum in our careers, we get depressed, too.”

“Success is like a lightning bolt,” Phan once declared in an interview with Mashable. “It’ll strike you when you least expect it, and you just have to keep the momentum going.”

“Apparently, patience and willpower, even creativity, are exhaustible resources. That’s why so many busy and powerful people practice mind-clearing meditation and stick to rigid daily routines: to minimize distractions and maximize good decision making.”

“In 2009 behavioral psychologists Stephen M. Garcia and Avishalom Tor showed that merely knowing there are more competitors in a competition decreases our performance. Not relative to a group, but in absolute terms. They call this the N-Effect.”

“Businesspeople will tell you that the presence of one or two serious rivals is incredibly motivating. When the rivals number in the thousands, it’s a different type of game.”

“Human nature makes us surprisingly willing to support big ideals and big swings. That means more customers, more investors, and more word-of-mouth for the dreamers.
There’s evidence both in business and academia to support 10x Thinking. But not every big dream gains followers or comes true. Just because you’re righteous doesn’t mean people will support you. You have to motivate them. You have to tell provocative stories.”

“Generally speaking, if you’re gonna make something ten percent better than the way things currently are, you better be great in sales and marketing, because you’re gonna have to talk people into changing their behavior for a very marginal increase in value, explains Astro Teller. “If, on the other hand, you make something ten times better for a large number of people—you really produce huge amounts of new value—the money’s gonna come find you. Because it would be hard not to make money if you’re really adding that much value.”

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