When you are faced with problems where another person's actions impact you negatively, you ask the question:
“How do I make them change?” Our natural response is to demand that the other
person change their behavior. But the reality is that most people won't change, at least, not when we
want them to. Continuing to focus on the other person only causes us
continued frustration.
How do you solve this problem? How do you make things better
when others refuse to change?
I recently read Justin Bariso’s article about Milk Carton
Rule which is a key rule for emotional intelligence development.
Solve problems by
focusing on what you can control
The milk carton rule is the story of two people, let's call them Nilgün
and Volkan. (Ooops, Nilgün is my wife's name - am I so brave to use her name here?)
Every morning, Nilgün gets up early for work,
makes coffee, and runs off to the office. Many mornings, though, Nilgün forgets
to put the milk for her coffee back in the fridge. When her husband Volkan
wakes up a few hours later, he finds a carton of warm milk on the counter.
Over and over, Volkan gets frustrated and
confronts Nilgün about it when she returns home. Nilgün always apologizes, but
she continues to make the same mistake. Volkan brings up the problem one day to
his therapist, to show the type of behavior he has to deal with.
Therapist: "How often does she do this?"
Volkan:
"I've lost count."
Therapist:
"For how many years?"
Volkan: "At
least 10 years, ever since she took this job."
Therapist:
"So, do you base your prediction of what will happen every morning based
on what she does or what you want her to do?"
Volkan: "I
base it on what's right. And what she'd do if she truly loved me."
Therapist:
"So, let me get this straight: She's done this hundreds, possibly
thousands of times."
Volkan:
"Yup. See how inconsiderate she is!"
Therapist:
"But after hundreds or thousands of times, you're still shocked at her
behavior. Shouldn't you expect her to leave out the milk? Are you basing
your expectation on what you want or what she's done?"
Volkan: "I
guess on what I want."
Therapist:
"Now, how would you feel differently if you based your expectation on
what she actually did, instead of what you wanted her to do?"
Volkan: "I
guess I wouldn't be so angry. I'd just get two containers of milk."
As this problem illustrates, we cause ourselves unnecessary
frustration when we continue to demand that reality be different from what we
want.
In other words, by recognizing that reality isn't always the
way we want it, we can focus on solving the problem, instead of repeating a
cycle of frustration and anger.
And that brings us to the milk carton rule, which simply
states: "Instead of dwelling on what you can't change, focus on what you
can." For instance, you can buy two cartons of milk, instead of
getting upset and having the same argument over and over.
In almost every case where you find yourself frustrated by
others, you have a choice. You can bask in negative emotions and feel sorry for
yourself or you can use your feelings as a catalyst to take a different
approach to solving the problem.
And if you simply can't fix the problem, you may just have to
accept this as reality. That doesn't mean you approve of what the other person
is doing, just that you recognize that you don't have the power to change the
situation. Doing so can help you focus on other problems that you can solve, which leads to better work, and a better
life.
So, the next time you face a problem caused by others, don't
get mad. Instead, follow the milk carton rule and use principles of
psychology to close the gap between your expectations and reality.
Bazen, ama gerçekten çok nadiren şöyle boş boş vakit geçirmek biraz kafayı boşaltmak harika bir his. Paha biçilmez ve kesinlikle bireyin ihtiyacı. İşte bu Kasım ayının ilk cumartesi sabahı benim için öyle geçiyor. Buraya da not düşmek istedim, arasıra bir ara verin ve kendinizi rölantide çalıştırın, sonra vitesi yükselttiğinizde "iyi ki" diyeceksiniz.
Philip Morris International (PMI) Third Quarter 2022
Earnings Conference Call took place on 20 October 2022. As a PMI employee, I
also joined the conference to take some notes and read the press release
containing detailed information on PMI’s 2022 third quarter results.
Firstly, the day that earnings conference is organized
marks a historic day in PMI’s journey towards a smoke-free future, with the
certainty that the company will have full control of IQOS, the world’s leading
smoke-free product in the United States, the world’s largest smoke-free market
from April 30, 2024.
I was in the spotlight of Philip Morris International Business Solutions Newsletter for August 2022. I answered 7 key questions so that my colleagues had the chance to know me better. You can find the answers and questions below. Also, a video content about it is here:
1.To start with, can you tell us something unusual about yourself?
Generally, people think about finance professionals as solely analytical persons who are strong at working with numbers, not the words. Yes, I also like to work with the numbers and take actions based on data but working with words, telling stories and experiences are what I am passionate about. I am currently writing for four blogs and creating contents is my favourite spare time activity. Creating interactions with people upon sharing content is like a mystery. I love to share my perceptions, feelings and experiences, and when people read and react, that makes me feel heard and highly satisfied!
2.What was your first job?
My first job was an associate position at PwC. Just after completing my MBA, I started to work for PricewaterhouseCoopers (PwC) and I learnt a lot there in three years. Having the opportunity to see various companies from different sectors and working in cooperation with different team leaders opened the way for learning on the fly. PwC added some key experiences like acting as a well-disciplined professional, becoming a team member and then leading a team. On top of that, I invested in myself and gained CPA certification and passed Capital Markets exams when I was working in PwC. When I was a senior associate, I received a job offer from General Motors (GM) and then I moved from audit to automobile sector. I started as an Accountant in GM and it was a move from one side of the table to the other side: I started to exercise the profession that I audited before, I got familiar with the tax declarations, CRM systems for financial reporting and worked cooperatively with different functions of the business. When I was leaving GM, I was the Internal Controls Coordinator, and this role enabled me to have a presence against the Management Team.
3.How long have you been at PMI and what is your current role here?
When I check my LinkedIn profile, it says that I am working for PMI for the last 9 years and 3 months. Instead of counting the years behind, I am much more focused on the gained experiences and the success stories that we will have altogether. PMI’s smoke-free future vision is so broad, and I believe that each and every colleague has a special role in achieving this objective.
When I joined PMI, it was 2013 and I started as a General Ledger and Tax Analyst in Philsa (production company in Turkey, now it is called PMTM). The key challenge in those years was adapting our financial statements to Turkish Financial Reporting Standards which was a new requirement starting from 2013 fiscal year. Those early days in PMI were so hard with adaptation to a new company, new people, new way of working but also it was one of the best times of my career because we really had fun when we worked together till the midnights. Then in 2017, I was promoted to the Senior Tax Analyst position in the newly found Tax department in Philsa. One of the key skills this role taught me was storytelling or in other words narrating with insights. While tracking the new tax legislations and their impacts on our business, I had to present it clearly to the management team on time and provide not only the highlights but also potential actions to be taken. While I was working as a Senior Tax Analyst, I had the opportunity to work as a Guest Auditor in Corporate Audit during Romania taxation audit. That experience made me find out that working in an international environment was a perfect match for me. Then in 2020, I moved from domestic affiliate to duty free affiliate in Turkey (PM Travel Retail Turkey, PMTR-T) as Manager Finance Legal Entity. All job experiences gave me the opportunity to come out of my comfort zone, meet new people and enrich my perspective. In Manager Finance Legal Entity role, I was able to learn about a unique business-like Duty Free from different angles. The move was a transformation because I not only moved from Domestic affiliate to Duty Free affiliate, but I also moved from my hometown to Istanbul during the hectic pandemic period. For the first time in my career, I reported to a non-Turkish manager who is not located in Turkey and my responsibilities made me start to work in a global environment with different teams from all over the world.
After the Finance transformation within Duty Free, I was promoted to the Manager Finance LE & R2R. I started to supervise the finance analyst in Hong Kong Duty Free affiliate so that I also started to learn from her experiences. Now with Finance as co-pilot, I am as close as possible to the business. I attend regular weekly meetings with Eurasia commercial team and have a space to deliver my expectations and reminders but also provide my comments and guidance on key issues to my stakeholder. Besides, this role teaches me to negotiate and talk with other heads of functions, and provides exposure to other departments like Commercial, Legal, Procurement, Business Solutions, CoE Finance, etc. I am so happy to be a part of PMI Duty Free and I feel “space to deliver” here, thanks to our DF Finance team for showing their full support to the initiatives I bring. That makes my efforts meaningful.
4.Lately, you have submitted an initiative to the Innovator’s Club. Can you please tell us what drove you to come up with your initiative and what was the final result of your submission?
In Turkey, we need to document contracts which are subject to stamp tax calculation and then before the closure of the year, we need to notarize this list of contracts. Previously this process was followed up in ordinary stamp tax book by handwriting. Managing a stamp tax book required a lot of manual actions. It was not possible to share certain pieces of information with other colleagues without taking pictures of the pages. A repository was created for all contracts initiated in PM Turkey with the help of Microsoft Lists. In the newly created list, we can easily maintain key information such as contract date, name of the party, subject, start and end dates, tax base, tax amount and status. In addition, MS Lists has a feature to embed links, so we can maintain the link to the soft copies of contracts or CLM where we can see the approval status in the contract lifecycle management platform.
As a meaning creator, I like to share my key learning with my teammates and colleagues. The Innovator’s Club opens the way for knowledge and experience sharing and it motivates followers by the success stories of other colleagues. This motivated me to share my quick win with a wider audience through the Innovator’s Club. When I saw that my submission was prized in R2R that made me extremely happy.
5.Would you recommend other colleagues at PMI to take part in Innovator’s Club and if so, why?
Certainly, I would recommend my colleagues at PMI to take part in Innovator’s Club so that they can create meaning for other colleagues as well. The Innovator’s Club is a great tool for spreading the good examples and let our colleagues know about them! It is a living repository where people can be inspired from while benefiting from the wins of their colleagues.
6.If you could have lunch with one person ever living in this world - who would it be and why?
I would like to have this special lunch with Jeff Bezos. Although I read the book “The Everything Store: Jeff Bezos and the Age of Amazon”, I feel like there are still a lot that I can learn from his mindset. The skillset he applied in his leadership is so brave and uncommon. I would also like to ask him about the negative feedback (on his management style) he receives from his employees. And possibly, I can’t stop myself asking which areas to invest in both for personal growth and financial freedom.
7.After hours, what are you passionate about?
I love to walk by the seaside. Thanks God, İstanbul is a lovely city with great walking paths. While I am listening to my favorite podcasts, I walk and reach my daily walking target. Apart from its positive impact on my well-being, I also have space to think about my projects and plans while walking. When I am at home, I read books from my e-book reader. Since 2019, I am mostly reading from e-book reader because I can take notes and highlight sections of the books. After completing the book, I work on these notes and convert them into blog posts. Writing is my passionate hobby. You can read my notes from the books I read in my blog dedicated to such contents: MyHighlightz.blogspot.com
Kaliteli bir cuma akşamının ardından sabahın 5’inde uyandım ve cep telefonumun kalan yüzde 10’luk şarjını 6 buçukta bitirdim. Biraz daha uyumaya çalışıp olmayınca kendimi sessiz klavyemle bu satırları yazarken buldum. İçimden bir ses “bunları kim niye okusun ki?” dese de ben zaten bu yola çıktığımda kimse okusun diye değil, ileride ben okuyup “böyle de günlerim oldu” diyebilmek için yola çıkmıştım.
Neyse, dönelim iç dünyamıza. Bu günkü yazımızın konusu: hedef. Bu hafta kariyerle ilgili girdiğim bir toplantıda yaklaşan performans değerlendirme dönemi öncesinde yöneticimizle toplantı ayarlamamızı, bu toplantıya hazır gelmemizi ve toplantıyı genel olarak yöneticinin değil yöneticiye raporlayan kişinin yönetmesini tavsiye ettiler. Konuyla ilgili birçok materyal de paylaştılar, maili gözden geçirip bu hafta sonu kendimi vererek okurum diye okunmamış olarak işaretledim. Ancak asıl mesajın, yapılması gereken gerçek çalışmanın hedef belirlemek olduğunu biliyorum.
Bu yıl yeni hedef koyma konusunda zorlandığımı hissediyorum. Şartlar beni -doğru olmadığını bilsem de – grade'e bağlı hedef koymaya itiyor ancak bunun elle tutulur bir yanı da yok. Yapmam gereken çok net, mevcut sorumluluklarımı daha da genişletip etki alanımı arttırarak bir sonraki adıma yürümek. İşte burada bir sonraki adım net olarak belirlenmediği için de o adımı biraz da benim yöneticilerime anlatmam gerekiyor. Özdeğerlendirme yaptığımda şu ana kadar ifade edip istediğim şey olan yurtdışında kariyer yapma konusunu bir şekilde park edip, sorumluluklarıma, etki alanıma +1’ler katmam gerekiyor. Tabi bir de değiştirdiğim, sadeleştirdiğim, faydasını arttırdığım şeyleri çoğaltmam, bunu bir iş yapış şekli haline getirmeliyim. Bu benim iyi olduğum bir alan ve bunların sayısını arttırmak ve yaptıkça da etkili bir şekilde paylaşmaya devam etmem lazım. Bu konuda tek çekincem çevremle, dış dünyayla iletişim. Özetlemem gerekirse, ne kadar çok farklı uygulamaları gözlemlersem, başkalarıyla ne kadar çok iletişim içerisinde olursam o kadar çok ekmek çıkarırım diye düşünüyorum.
Yine de yöneticimle gireceğim toplantıda somut olarak şunların hayalini kuruyorum, bana alan tanırsanız şunları yapacağım diye kurabileceğim güçlü cümleler bugün itibariyle aklıma gelmiyor. Bunları yazarken biraz utandığım, çekindiğim, hakkımda böyle de kanıtlar bırakılır mı dediğim doğru. Geçen bir podcast dinlerken de (Bumuyani podcast) kişilerin günlük tutarken bile kendilerine dürüst olamadıklarından bahsediyordu. Neyseki bu durumda değilim ama bu derece dürüst paylaşımları merak edip okuyacak olanlara sunmam doğru mu göreceğiz. Her neyse, biz hedeflere odaklanalım. Mesela neler yapabilirim, bu görüşmede neler isteyebilirim bir not defterine yazarmış gibi dökeyim:
Jobshadowing - aklımda önceki tecrübelerimle uyumlu ancak şu anki sorumluluklarımdan farklı ve mevcutta sahibi olan bir rol var, bu pozisyon için successor/back-up olmayı düşündüğümü samimi bir şekilde paylaşıp yöneticimin düşüncesini, destekleyip desteklemeyeceğini sorabilirim.
Change Management – önümüzdeki yıl için değişimi hak ettiğini düşündüğüm süreçlerden bahsedip bunların riskini ve getirisini anlatıp bu konularda harcayacağım emeği ve mesaiyi yöneticimin destekleyip desteklemeyeceği konusunda görüşünü alabilirim.
Learning Plan – Bu yıl sadece şirket içindeki kaynaklardan faydalanarak eğitimler aldım ve şirkete minimum ek maliyet yarattım. Önümüzdeki yıl için alternatif eğitim planları sunup nedenleri ile birlikte bana katkısını anlatarak kariyerimde ilerlemek için hangi eğitimi almam gerektiği konusunda mutabık kalabilirim. Burada eğitimi tamamlamaktan ziyade o eğitimi işimde nasıl bir ürüne çevirebileceğim, işte bu da eğitim seçme konusunda beni çok zorluyor.
Açıkçası bu satırları yazarken aralarda baya bir doküman inceleyip nerelerden ilham alabilirim diye düşündüm ancak cumartesi sabahının erken saatlerinde maalesef bu kadar çıktı. Yine de hem iyi bir ön çalışma hem de bir özdeğerlendirme oldu. Artık biraz da hafta sonunu yaşayalım...
