According
to psychological research,
the anticipation of an event is almost
always more emotionally powerful than the event itself.
The
dread of asking your boss for a raise is paralyzing and can last
months. Yet, once you get yourself to finally do it, it’s over before
you know it. The excitement of attaining some object or objective can
become obsessive. Yet, shortly after you obtain your desire, you’re
bored and in search of something else. “We buy things to make us happy,
and we succeed. But only for a while. New things are exciting to us at
first, but then we adapt to them,” says Dr. Thomas Gilovich, Cornell
psychologist.
Interestingly, your mind can seduce
you so much so that the idea of something becomes more satisfying than
the thing itself, so you stop at the idea and never make it real. Thus,
in his new book, Ego is the Enemy, Ryan Holiday explains that a primary
obstacle to success is the idea of success.
It’s so easy to dream.
It’s
easy to tell people about your ambitions. It’s easy to create vision
boards and write down your goals. It’s easy to stand in front of a
mirror and declare affirmations.
And that’s where most people stop.
The very act of dreaming stops you from achieving your dreams.
You’ve
played-it out in your mind with such intoxicating detail that you
become satisfied enough. You become numbed. And you deceive yourself
into believing you’ve actually done something productive.
Consequently,
when you attempt the activity itself, you immediately hit a stone wall
of resistance. More often than not, you quickly distract yourself from
the discomfort with some form of momentary pleasure. Yet, Robert Greene
explains in his book, Mastery, that you can learn to love this internal
resistance. In his words, “You find a kind of perverse pleasure in
moving past the pain this might bring.”
How To Get Out Of Your Rut
In
his book, Living with a SEAL, Jesse Itzler tells the story of being
inspired by a certain Navy SEAL and consequently inviting him to live at
Itzler’s home for a month. Itzler admitted being in a personal rut and
wanted to shake himself out of his routine.
Day 1: “SEAL” asked Itzler, “How many pull-ups can you do?” Itzler squeaked out eight shaky pull-ups.
“Take 30 seconds and do it again,” SEAL said. 30 seconds later, Itzler got on the bar and did six, struggling.
“Take
30 seconds and do it one more time,” SEAL said. 30 seconds later,
Itzler got on the bar and did three, at which point his arms were
exhausted.
“Alright, we’re not leaving here until
you do 100 more,” SEAL stated. Itzler was puzzled. “Alright, we’re gonna
be here a long-time. Cause there’s no way I could do 100.” However,
Itzler ended-up completing the challenge, doing one pull-up at a time.
Thus, SEAL convinced Itzler that he could do way more than he thought he
could.
The principle SEAL taught is what he calls
the 40% rule — which essentially means people feel maxed-out mentally
and physically, and thus stop, when they are at only 40% of their actual
capacity. Going past this 40% capacity is when it becomes
uncomfortable. Thus, SEAL’s mantra, “If it doesn’t suck, we don’t do
it.”
The Power Of Objective-Based Pursuits
“The
pain is kind of challenge your mind presents — will you learn how to
focus and move past boredom, or like a child will you succumb to the
need for immediate pleasure and distraction?” — Robert Greene
Like
Itzler who shattered a mental barrier by completing 100 pull-ups, you
too can get out of your rut by pursuing tangible objectives.
The concept is: Do something and don’t stop until it’s complete, no matter how long it takes.
Your
goal is to learn how to accomplish hard things without continuously
distracting yourself. You want to develop what Greene calls “A perverse
pleasure” in experiencing internal conflict, and sitting with it.
This
concept is embedded in Crossfit. Unlike most people, who check their
smartphones between exercise “sets,” at Crossfit, you have a specific
objective and you kill yourself until it’s done.
If it doesn’t suck, we don’t do it.
You
can apply this principle to anything and everything. You can do a
homework assignment and just do it until it’s complete. You can write an
article and stick-to-it until it’s published. You can do 100 pull-ups,
or run 5 miles, and go until you’re done. Who cares how long it takes?
The Greatest Opportunity In History
In his book, Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World, Cal Newport states the following:
“The
ability to perform deep work is becoming increasingly rare at exactly
the same time it is becoming increasingly valuable in our economy. As a
consequence, the few who cultivate this skill, and then make it the core
of their working life, will thrive.”
Without question, we
live in the most distracted time in human history. It is almost
impossible to remain focused on a single-task for more than a few
minutes at a time.
The law of opposites is in
affect. With every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
While most of the world is becoming increasingly distracted, a select
few are capitalizing on this fact.
Hence, Economist
Tyler Cowan has said, “Average is over.” The middle-class is gone.
Either you’re among the select few who are thriving, or you’re like most
people who are distracted, overweight, and struggling.
The choice is yours.
When something sucks, do you quit? Or do you push-through and eventually enjoy the satisfaction of growth and success?
Anything
worth doing is going to suck at the beginning. Anything worth doing is
meant to require pain and sacrifice. Herein lies the problem facing
America, which originally was built on the moral of impulse control.
What once used to be a country filled with people sacrificing momentary
pleasure for a better future, the overpowering message of today is live
for the moment.
And that’s exactly what people do.
They live for this moment. Consequently, when something sucks, or
becomes hard, most people quit. Most people indulge themselves in
momentary satisfaction at the expense of a better future.
To
make matters worse, the twin “truth” of today’s culture is love
yourself for who you are. The self-esteem movement of the late 20th
century is an enormous contributor to America’s faltering success.
People
are taught to love themselves regardless of their performance. Thus,
they justify mediocrity. Yet, Asian’s and other immigrant groups who
often are considered to have low self-esteem consistently outperform
American’s who have high self-esteem.
Unlike in
other parts of the world where hard work is seen as a virtue, the
repeated phrase in America is: “Don’t work too hard!” Success these days
is to get as much as you can for as little work as possible.
In
the book, “The Triple Package: How Three Unlikely Traits Explain the
Rise and Fall of Cultural Groups in America,” Amy Chua and Jed Rubenfeld
explain that most successful people not only control their impulses,
but also have an implicit sense of inferiority.
These
people may have confidence, yet, they remain unsure of themselves. They
have a chip on their shoulder due to being oppressed in some way. So
they continuously push themselves, regardless of how successful they
become, to prove themselves. They are never satisfied with what they’ve
done. They continue to feel inferior.
These very
traits are awarded in today’s economy because they are so rare. Again,
few people control their impulses, but instead live for the moment. And
few people, especially in America, have any sense of inferiority.
Rather, most people have bought into the myth that you must first love
yourself before you can become successful.
Garbage.
True confidence is earned. It’s earned by succeeding. Not by wishing for success.
True
confidence emerges when you consistently push-through things that suck.
The longer you sit with the boredom, pain, and discomfort — and
actually create something meaningful, the more confident and successful
you will be.
Hence, Ryan Holiday explains in an
interview with Lewis Howes: you are rewarded for the work you actually
accomplish. Not the promises you make.
Doing the work is hard.
Getting into elite physical condition is brutal.
Building deep and committed relationships is nearly impossible. Most marriages end in divorce.
Developing deep spiritual maturity requires giving-up who you want to be for who you really are.
All
of these things “suck,” at least initially, and in-the-moment. However,
if it doesn’t suck, it’s not worth doing. And you absolutely can learn
to endure the discomfort of the moment to build a life worth having.
If you’re stuck in a rut, like Itzler, challenge yourself to complete specific objectives — no matter how long they take.
Pleasure Vs. Happiness
“A
life that doesn’t include hard-won accomplishment and triumph over
obstacles may not be a satisfying one. There is something deeply
fulfilling — even thrilling — in doing almost anything difficult
extremely well. There is a joy and pride that come from pushing yourself
to another level or across a new frontier. A life devoted only to the
present — to feeling good in the now — is unlikely to deliver real
fulfillment. The present moment by itself it too small, too hollow. We
all need a future. Something beyond and greater than our own present
gratification, at which to aim or feel we’ve contributed.” — The Triple
Package
True happiness — joy — is fundamentally
different than momentary pleasure. Not to say momentary pleasure is
inherently bad. However, it often gets in the way of something more real
and lasting.
Anything worth doing brings a
satisfaction that distraction never can. Don’t give into the resistance.
Push through the difficulty. That’s where a joy that those who stop
will never taste.
Said Geologist James Talmage:
“Happiness
leaves no bad after-taste, it is followed by no depressing reaction; it
brings no regret, entails no remorse. True happiness is lived over and
over again in memory, always with a renewal of the original good; a
moment of pleasure may leave a barbed sting, [as] an ever-present source
of anguish.”
