Am I a Workaholic?

I'm on the last day of my annual leave, and for the past few days, I've been stuck with this question in my mind: Have I become a workaholic? Why can't I separate my work from my personal life, or why does work keep lingering in my mind even after work hours? In the past, I saw this as dedication and perhaps even took pride in it, but now, I'm worried if it's spiraling out of control, just like the saying goes, "too much of anything is harmful."

On December 25, 2022, one day before my 40th birthday, I had planned my summer vacation to Cyprus with my family for the middle of July, booking it through an early reservation. I had also requested my annual leave for the same period. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, until finally, that Friday evening, which I had arranged my vacation almost 7 months ago, had arrived. After carefully setting up an impressive "out-of-office" message with the help of ChatGPT and preparing a notification to inform my internal and external stakeholders that I would be on leave for the next week, I made sure I left no open items behind at work and closed the shop. Although I was quite conservative when it came to using my annual leave, the recent painful loss of our family member had made me in desperate need of this break.

On the morning of July 17, Monday, we woke up at 3 am to catch the first flight to Cyprus. When we sat down for breakfast at the hotel, it was 9 o'clock, and my son Okan asked me to turn off email notifications so that I wouldn't check my emails. After turning off the notifications right in front of him, I started telling myself, "You're on vacation, don't think about work." I had already checked and cleared my unread emails, including bank statements, at the airport. I thought I could still manually check my emails in case of emergencies. In fact, I even had discussed this approach with my manager before going on vacation as well.

I found a shady sunbed by the pool, with mail and meeting notifications turned off on Outlook and the status set to "offline" on MS Teams. I started checking my social media accounts, thinking that Wi-Fi was working perfectly everywhere. After consuming a considerable amount of content, I thought, "Let me quickly check if there's anything urgent before swimming." So, I logged in to Outlook. I quickly deleted informational emails and marked the ones that required action as "unread" again. Some of them could wait until after the vacation but dealing with some in the mornings might lighten the load after the holiday. With these thoughts in mind, I jumped into the pool and started swimming.

While exploring the hotel and researching places to eat, drink and swim (the best pool which is closest to the pool bar) it was time to check into our room. When I laid down on our comfortable bed, away from the sun's direct rays, my hand reached for the phone again. After another dose of social media, I succumbed to the urge to check my emails again to avoid missing anything. The scenario was the same as before. Some emails were informational, which I read and deleted. Unfortunately, some required action. I marked them as unread and mentally classified them as tasks to be dealt with when I first logged in my computer. Unconsciously, I began keeping notes in my mind, like I do on my regular workdays using applications like Microsoft To-Do or OneNote.

The second day followed a similar pattern. Checking my inbox, categorizing emails, and taking quick actions from my mobile phone had become routine. However, on Tuesday evening, before going out to dinner, I had some free time, so I turned on my computer and saw an email that required faster action than others, and it was a process that included other people’s effort as well. By the way, I could be asked why I brought my computer on vacation. Unfortunately, I always carry it with me on workdays, except weekends, in case there's an urgent e-signature process that I need to do. Although there is no immediate need, it provides a certain comfort. Anyway, that Tuesday evening, I almost irritated a subject matter expert colleague via WhatsApp about that approval process. Afterward, I made an action plan in my mind. When I went back to my room, I sent the necessary emails and reviewed what I needed to do when I received a response.

I went to bed, but the possibility of that urgent matter proceeding slowly due to the vacation season ruined my sleep. I kept thinking about the difficulties I might encounter during the approval process, alternative solutions, and their associated control risks. After a restless night with poor sleep quality, I woke up before 7 o'clock. After sorting out social media and email, the satisfaction of receiving a response to my message at 7:50 a.m. made me say, "my day has begun" and I immediately opened my computer to prepare my file according to the amounts stated in the email and started the approval process. However, I also needed to inform the people in the approval flow about the urgency, so they could prioritize accordingly. This time, I sent private messages to relevant people on Teams, explaining the urgency of the matter. Although I appeared offline on MS Teams, my notifications were on, and as the working hours started in Europe, I started receiving replies to my messages. Of course, I received queries like "Why is it urgent?", "Why should I prioritize this?", "Our colleague who handles this will be back on Monday; can't we wait?". I politely responded to each of them with something like, "Well, I am on annual leave, but due to these reasons, the matter is urgent. Thank you in advance for your cooperation." Of course, this also kept me engaged with my phone for a while longer.

After surviving Wednesday with this traffic, on Thursday morning, after clearing and replying to emails on the computer, getting my social media content by the sea and the pool, the same routine continued with Teams messages for approval flow. In the evening, we returned to the room early, as it was both the fourth and last night of the vacation and because we needed to start packing. Of course, I couldn't resist, so I thought, "Let me check the computer for a while." My energy was high this time, so I started working on the tasks that required action. As I completed them, I felt a sense of relief. It felt like a regular workday, and during an approval process in the evening, I noticed a technical issue. Unfortunately, it was a process that required quick action and the intervention of the IT team because the issue was outside of my control. As it was a process that needed to be resolved with both internal and external stakeholders, I began opening a ticket and starting the email chain, all while it was almost midnight. I was initiating a process to solve the problem, both internally and externally, and multiple people needed to be informed. Therefore, I had to provide explanations through various channels. I started dealing with it just as the clock struck midnight. Unfortunately, my last night was spent restlessly, when I laid in bed, I was still creating new solution scenarios in my mind.

The next morning, I woke up to find no response to the email I had sent late at night. Since it was the last day of our vacation, and we needed to check out before 12, I decided to take care of all the tasks that required my attention and leave the rest for others to handle passively. So, I packed my computer into my backpack.

Throughout the day, I continued my habit of sneakily checking my emails. I had become quite adept at responding to routine emails quickly using Outlook's feature to search old sent messages. By the way, I had added an additional explanation to my email signature about potential typos I might make on the mobile app. I must thank ChatGPT for drafting that. Also, I noticed that I hadn't received any response to the ticket I opened the previous night until we reached the airport in the evening. Despite marking it as unread, I added it to my Saturday to-do list, in my mind, of course.

I woke up on Saturday morning in Istanbul, and as it was a hot summer day, we didn't have any specific plans. After grocery shopping for the fridge we had emptied before the vacation, I opened my computer to have some leisure time for myself. I started listening to my favorite YouTube channels, but somehow I found myself getting involved in the tasks I needed to take action on. I kept working until my computer's battery ran out. Yes, I also took care of that email response from the ticket. Later in the evening, as I thought about writing something for my blog, I decided to switch on my computer. To avoid battery problems, I moved to my room. Once again, I thought, "Let me take care of these before Monday," and started working. I felt better as I completed each task. When it was late in the evening, I decided to spend some quality time with my family, saying, "Enough work for today."

And just like how time flies from December to July, the last day of the vacation, Sunday, came with the same speed. At least I managed to find some time to write these lines. I asked myself the question I had been asking during my vacation once again: Have I become a workaholic?

Just Before Leaving our Room