Am I a Workaholic?

I'm on the last day of my annual leave, and for the past few days, I've been stuck with this question in my mind: Have I become a workaholic? Why can't I separate my work from my personal life, or why does work keep lingering in my mind even after work hours? In the past, I saw this as dedication and perhaps even took pride in it, but now, I'm worried if it's spiraling out of control, just like the saying goes, "too much of anything is harmful."

On December 25, 2022, one day before my 40th birthday, I had planned my summer vacation to Cyprus with my family for the middle of July, booking it through an early reservation. I had also requested my annual leave for the same period. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, until finally, that Friday evening, which I had arranged my vacation almost 7 months ago, had arrived. After carefully setting up an impressive "out-of-office" message with the help of ChatGPT and preparing a notification to inform my internal and external stakeholders that I would be on leave for the next week, I made sure I left no open items behind at work and closed the shop. Although I was quite conservative when it came to using my annual leave, the recent painful loss of our family member had made me in desperate need of this break.

On the morning of July 17, Monday, we woke up at 3 am to catch the first flight to Cyprus. When we sat down for breakfast at the hotel, it was 9 o'clock, and my son Okan asked me to turn off email notifications so that I wouldn't check my emails. After turning off the notifications right in front of him, I started telling myself, "You're on vacation, don't think about work." I had already checked and cleared my unread emails, including bank statements, at the airport. I thought I could still manually check my emails in case of emergencies. In fact, I even had discussed this approach with my manager before going on vacation as well.

I found a shady sunbed by the pool, with mail and meeting notifications turned off on Outlook and the status set to "offline" on MS Teams. I started checking my social media accounts, thinking that Wi-Fi was working perfectly everywhere. After consuming a considerable amount of content, I thought, "Let me quickly check if there's anything urgent before swimming." So, I logged in to Outlook. I quickly deleted informational emails and marked the ones that required action as "unread" again. Some of them could wait until after the vacation but dealing with some in the mornings might lighten the load after the holiday. With these thoughts in mind, I jumped into the pool and started swimming.

While exploring the hotel and researching places to eat, drink and swim (the best pool which is closest to the pool bar) it was time to check into our room. When I laid down on our comfortable bed, away from the sun's direct rays, my hand reached for the phone again. After another dose of social media, I succumbed to the urge to check my emails again to avoid missing anything. The scenario was the same as before. Some emails were informational, which I read and deleted. Unfortunately, some required action. I marked them as unread and mentally classified them as tasks to be dealt with when I first logged in my computer. Unconsciously, I began keeping notes in my mind, like I do on my regular workdays using applications like Microsoft To-Do or OneNote.

The second day followed a similar pattern. Checking my inbox, categorizing emails, and taking quick actions from my mobile phone had become routine. However, on Tuesday evening, before going out to dinner, I had some free time, so I turned on my computer and saw an email that required faster action than others, and it was a process that included other people’s effort as well. By the way, I could be asked why I brought my computer on vacation. Unfortunately, I always carry it with me on workdays, except weekends, in case there's an urgent e-signature process that I need to do. Although there is no immediate need, it provides a certain comfort. Anyway, that Tuesday evening, I almost irritated a subject matter expert colleague via WhatsApp about that approval process. Afterward, I made an action plan in my mind. When I went back to my room, I sent the necessary emails and reviewed what I needed to do when I received a response.

I went to bed, but the possibility of that urgent matter proceeding slowly due to the vacation season ruined my sleep. I kept thinking about the difficulties I might encounter during the approval process, alternative solutions, and their associated control risks. After a restless night with poor sleep quality, I woke up before 7 o'clock. After sorting out social media and email, the satisfaction of receiving a response to my message at 7:50 a.m. made me say, "my day has begun" and I immediately opened my computer to prepare my file according to the amounts stated in the email and started the approval process. However, I also needed to inform the people in the approval flow about the urgency, so they could prioritize accordingly. This time, I sent private messages to relevant people on Teams, explaining the urgency of the matter. Although I appeared offline on MS Teams, my notifications were on, and as the working hours started in Europe, I started receiving replies to my messages. Of course, I received queries like "Why is it urgent?", "Why should I prioritize this?", "Our colleague who handles this will be back on Monday; can't we wait?". I politely responded to each of them with something like, "Well, I am on annual leave, but due to these reasons, the matter is urgent. Thank you in advance for your cooperation." Of course, this also kept me engaged with my phone for a while longer.

After surviving Wednesday with this traffic, on Thursday morning, after clearing and replying to emails on the computer, getting my social media content by the sea and the pool, the same routine continued with Teams messages for approval flow. In the evening, we returned to the room early, as it was both the fourth and last night of the vacation and because we needed to start packing. Of course, I couldn't resist, so I thought, "Let me check the computer for a while." My energy was high this time, so I started working on the tasks that required action. As I completed them, I felt a sense of relief. It felt like a regular workday, and during an approval process in the evening, I noticed a technical issue. Unfortunately, it was a process that required quick action and the intervention of the IT team because the issue was outside of my control. As it was a process that needed to be resolved with both internal and external stakeholders, I began opening a ticket and starting the email chain, all while it was almost midnight. I was initiating a process to solve the problem, both internally and externally, and multiple people needed to be informed. Therefore, I had to provide explanations through various channels. I started dealing with it just as the clock struck midnight. Unfortunately, my last night was spent restlessly, when I laid in bed, I was still creating new solution scenarios in my mind.

The next morning, I woke up to find no response to the email I had sent late at night. Since it was the last day of our vacation, and we needed to check out before 12, I decided to take care of all the tasks that required my attention and leave the rest for others to handle passively. So, I packed my computer into my backpack.

Throughout the day, I continued my habit of sneakily checking my emails. I had become quite adept at responding to routine emails quickly using Outlook's feature to search old sent messages. By the way, I had added an additional explanation to my email signature about potential typos I might make on the mobile app. I must thank ChatGPT for drafting that. Also, I noticed that I hadn't received any response to the ticket I opened the previous night until we reached the airport in the evening. Despite marking it as unread, I added it to my Saturday to-do list, in my mind, of course.

I woke up on Saturday morning in Istanbul, and as it was a hot summer day, we didn't have any specific plans. After grocery shopping for the fridge we had emptied before the vacation, I opened my computer to have some leisure time for myself. I started listening to my favorite YouTube channels, but somehow I found myself getting involved in the tasks I needed to take action on. I kept working until my computer's battery ran out. Yes, I also took care of that email response from the ticket. Later in the evening, as I thought about writing something for my blog, I decided to switch on my computer. To avoid battery problems, I moved to my room. Once again, I thought, "Let me take care of these before Monday," and started working. I felt better as I completed each task. When it was late in the evening, I decided to spend some quality time with my family, saying, "Enough work for today."

And just like how time flies from December to July, the last day of the vacation, Sunday, came with the same speed. At least I managed to find some time to write these lines. I asked myself the question I had been asking during my vacation once again: Have I become a workaholic?

Just Before Leaving our Room

One Life to Live

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Mark Manson, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people.

For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says.

At its core, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is a book about finding what’s truly important to you and letting go of everything else. In the same way that he encourages limiting exposure to mindless distractions such as social media, television and technology, he encourages limiting concern over things that have little to no meaning or value in your life.

In an interview, Mark says, “If seeing things online or hearing things your co-workers say is really affecting you that much then you need to look at the values in your life. If your emotions are constantly being pushed this way or that way, and you feel like you’re never in control, it’s probably because you’re valuing a lot of the wrong things.”

More than a practical guidebook to choosing what’s important in our lives and what’s unimportant, it’s a brutally honest and much needed reality check about our personal problems, fears and expectations. It’s a bold confrontation of self, our painful truths, faults and uncertainties, without all the positive airy fairy fluff we’ve been spoon-fed to believe by self-help gurus.

Here are the notes I took from the book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life" by Mark Manson:

Our culture today is obsessively focused on unrealistically positive expectations: Be happier. Be healthier. Be the best, better than the rest. Be smarter, faster, richer, sexier, more popular, more productive, more envied, and more admired. Be perfect and amazing and crap out twelve-karat-gold nuggets before breakfast each morning while kissing your selfie-ready spouse and two and a half kids goodbye. Then fly your helicopter to your wonderfully fulfilling job, where you spend your days doing incredibly meaningful work that’s likely to save the planet one day.

There’s a saying in Texas: “The smallest dog barks the loudest.” A confident man doesn’t feel a need to prove that he’s confident. A rich woman doesn’t feel a need to convince anybody that she’s rich. Either you are or you are not. And if you’re dreaming of something all the time, then you’re reinforcing the same unconscious reality over and over: that you are not that.

Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience. Any attempt to escape the negative, to avoid it or quash it or silence it, only backfires. The avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering. The avoidance of struggle is a struggle. The denial of failure is a failure. Hiding what is shameful is itself a form of shame.

We suffer for the simple reason that suffering is biologically useful. It is nature’s preferred agent for inspiring change. We have evolved to always live with a certain degree of dissatisfaction and insecurity, because it’s the mildly dissatisfied and insecure creature that’s going to do the most work to innovate and survive. We are wired to become dissatisfied with whatever we have and satisfied by only what we do not have. This constant dissatisfaction has kept our species fighting and striving, building and conquering. So no—our own pain and misery aren’t a bug of human evolution; they’re a feature.

Happiness is a constant work-in-progress, because solving problems is a constant work-in-progress—the solutions to today’s problems will lay the foundation for tomorrow’s problems, and so on. True happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving.

This is the most simple and basic component of life: our struggles determine our successes. Our problems birth our happiness, along with slightly better, slightly upgraded problems.

People who become great at something become great because they understand that they’re not already great—they are mediocre, they are average—and that they could be so much better.

If suffering is inevitable, if our problems in life are unavoidable, then the question we should be asking is not “How do I stop suffering?” but “Why am I suffering—for what purpose?”

Dave Mustaine, whether he realized it or not, chose to measure himself by whether he was more successful and popular than Metallica. The experience of getting thrown out of his former band was so painful for him that he adopted “success relative to Metallica” as the metric by which to measure himself and his music career. Despite taking a horrible event in his life and making something positive out of it, as Mustaine did with Megadeth, his choice to hold on to Metallica’s success as his life-defining metric continued to hurt him decades later. Despite all the money and the fans and the accolades, he still considered himself a failure.

If you want to change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value and/or how you measure failure/success.

When we have poor values—that is, poor standards we set for ourselves and others—we are essentially giving fucks about the things that don’t matter, things that in fact make our life worse. But when we choose better values, we are able to divert our fucks to something better—toward things that matter, things that improve the state of our well-being and that generate happiness, pleasure, and success as side effects. This, in a nutshell, is what “self-improvement” is really about: prioritizing better values, choosing better things to give a fuck about. Because when you give better fucks, you get better problems. And when you get better problems, you get a better life.

Imagine that somebody puts a gun to your head and tells you that you have to run 26.2 miles in under five hours, or else he’ll kill you and your entire family. That would suck. Now imagine that you bought nice shoes and running gear, trained religiously for months, and completed your first marathon with all of your closest family and friends cheering you on at the finish line. That could potentially be one of the proudest moments of your life. Exact same 26.2 miles. Exact same person running them. Exact same pain coursing through your exact same legs. But when you chose it freely and prepared for it, it was a glorious and important milestone in your life. When it was forced upon you against your will, it was one of the most terrifying and painful experiences of your life. Often the only difference between a problem being painful or being powerful is a sense that we chose it, and that we are responsible for it.

We don’t always control what happens to us. But we always control how we interpret what happens to us, as well as how we respond.

The point is, we are always choosing, whether we recognize it or not. Always. It comes back to how, in reality, there is no such thing as not giving a single fuck. It’s impossible. We must all give a fuck about something. To not give a fuck about anything is still to give a fuck about something. The real question is, What are we choosing to give a fuck about? What values are we choosing to base our actions on? What metrics are we choosing to use to measure our life? And are those good choices—good values and good metrics?

We are responsible for experiences that aren’t our fault all the time. This is part of life. Here’s one way to think about the distinction between the two concepts. Fault is past tense. Responsibility is present tense. Fault results from choices that have already been made. Responsibility results from the choices you’re currently making, every second of every day. You are choosing to read this. You are choosing to think about the concepts. You are choosing to accept or reject the concepts. It may be my fault that you think my ideas are lame, but you are responsible for coming to your own conclusions. It’s not your fault that I chose to write this sentence, but you are still responsible for choosing to read it (or not).

It’s worth remembering that for any change to happen in your life, you must be wrong about something. If you’re sitting there, miserable day after day, then that means you’re already wrong about something major in your life, and until you’re able to question yourself to find it, nothing will change.

Improvement at anything is based on thousands of tiny failures, and the magnitude of your success is based on how many times you’ve failed at something. If someone is better than you at something, then it’s likely because she has failed at it more than you have. If someone is worse than you, it’s likely because he hasn’t been through all of the painful learning experiences you have.

Fear and anxiety and sadness are not necessarily always undesirable or unhelpful states of mind; rather, they are often representative of the necessary pain of psychological growth. And to deny that pain is to deny our own potential. Just as one must suffer physical pain to build stronger bone and muscle, one must suffer emotional pain to develop greater emotional resilience, a stronger sense of self, increased compassion, and a generally happier life.

Life is about not knowing and then doing something anyway. All of life is like this. It never changes. Even when you’re happy. Even when you’re farting fairy dust. Even when you win the lottery and buy a small fleet of Jet Skis, you still won’t know what the hell you’re doing. Don’t ever forget that. And don’t ever be afraid of that.

When I was in high school, my math teacher Mr. Packwood used to say, “If you’re stuck on a problem, don’t sit there and think about it; just start working on it. Even if you don’t know what you’re doing, the simple act of working on it will eventually cause the right ideas to show up in your head.” During that early self-employment period, when I struggled every day, completely clueless about what to do and terrified of the results (or lack thereof), Mr. Packwood’s advice started beckoning me from the recesses of my mind. I heard it like a mantra: Don’t just sit there. Do something. The answers will follow. In the course of applying Mr. Packwood’s advice, I learned a powerful lesson about motivation. It took about eight years for this lesson to sink in, but what I discovered, over those long, grueling months of bombed product launches, laughable advice columns, uncomfortable nights on friends’ couches, overdrawn bank accounts, and hundreds of thousands of words written (most of them unread), was perhaps the most important thing I’ve ever learned in my life: Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it. Most of us commit to action only if we feel a certain level of motivation. And we feel motivation only when we feel enough emotional inspiration. We assume that these steps occur in a sort of chain reaction, like this: Emotional inspiration → Motivation → Desirable action If you want to accomplish something but don’t feel motivated or inspired, then you assume you’re just screwed. There’s nothing you can do about it. It’s not until a major emotional life event occurs that you can generate enough motivation to actually get off the couch and do something. The thing about motivation is that it’s not only a three-part chain, but an endless loop: Inspiration → Motivation → Action → Inspiration → Motivation → Action → Etc. Your actions create further emotional reactions and inspirations and move on to motivate your future actions. Taking advantage of this knowledge, we can actually reorient our mindset in the following way: Action → Inspiration → Motivation If you lack the motivation to make an important change in your life, do something—anything, really—and then harness the reaction to that action as a way to begin motivating yourself. I call this the “do something” principle. If we follow the “do something” principle, failure feels unimportant. When the standard of success becomes merely acting—when any result is regarded as progress and important, when inspiration is seen as a reward rather than a prerequisite—we propel ourselves ahead. We feel free to fail, and that failure moves us forward.

Promise yourself that you will assume that you are the root of your problems next time you get upset. Just try on the idea and see how it feels.

The point is this: we all must give a fuck about something, in order to value something. And to value something, we must reject what is not that something. To value X, we must reject non-X. That rejection is an inherent and necessary part of maintaining our values, and therefore our identity. We are defined by what we choose to reject. And if we reject nothing (perhaps in fear of being rejected by something ourselves), we essentially have no identity at all.

Honesty is a natural human craving. But part of having honesty in our lives is becoming comfortable with saying and hearing the word “no.” In this way, rejection actually makes our relationships better and our emotional lives healthier.

Conflict is not only normal, then; it’s absolutely necessary for the maintenance of a healthy relationship. If two people who are close are not able to hash out their differences openly and vocally, then the relationship is based on manipulation and misrepresentation, and it will slowly become toxic. Trust is the most important ingredient in any relationship.

Trust is like a china plate. If you break it once, with some care and attention you can put it back together again. But if you break it again, it splits into even more pieces and it takes far longer to piece together again. If you break it more and more times, eventually it shatters to the point where it’s impossible to restore. There are too many broken pieces, and too much dust.

The big story for me personally over the past few years has been my ability to open myself up to commitment. I’ve chosen to reject all but the very best people and experiences and values in my life. I shut down all my business projects and decided to focus on writing full-time. Since then, my website has become more popular than I’d ever imagined possible. I’ve committed to one woman for the long haul and, to my surprise, have found this more rewarding than any of the flings, trysts, and one-night stands I had in the past. I’ve committed to a single geographic location and doubled down on the handful of my significant, genuine, healthy friendships. And what I’ve discovered is something entirely counterintuitive: that there is a freedom and liberation in commitment. I’ve found increased opportunity and upside in rejecting alternatives and distractions in favor of what I’ve chosen to let truly matter to me.

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Life in Quotes

Below you may find my 100th blog. This special blog is dedicated to the qoutes related with life.

Just enjoy:

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou


"The only way to access your aims: is the relation with god and with saints" - Monica Ahdy Girgis

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." - Winston Churchill

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." - Steve Jobs

"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."